The best car in the world

Earlier this year, the internet was abuzz with postings about the new flagship model from Shelby Supercars (no relation to Carroll Shelby of Mustang fame). After some guessing about the name (Ultimate Aero II?), the company settled on a ridiculous name: Tuatara. It sounds better after you hear it spoken correctly (Twah-tah-rah, or Too-ah-tar-ah), and at least it's not as stupid as the Pagani Huayra or McLaren MP4-12C. I tried to dig up as much dirt as I could on the Tuatara, but there was nothing but renderings and a few company-sponsored videos with very little actual airtime of the completed vehicle.

Please, for God's sake, avoid the videos. Or mute them. You'll just hear Mr. Shelby, the company president, who looks like an ex-wrestler with a shiny bald head, tell you about how they chose the name Tuatara because it's a lizard that has the "fastest evolving DNA of any creature." It didn't make sense to me when I first heard it, and in retrospect, talking for 5 minutes about a name decision is kind of embarrassing when it's the weakest point on the whole car.

SSC Tuatara, the most beautiful car made today.

The last I heard, SSC visited the Dubai motor show with the Tuatara, and they so wowed the oil sheiks that Shelby came home with orders for 10 cars. Given that America's rich are selling off their private jets and anxious to deny their placement in the 1%, I can almost guarantee that we haven't sold 10 of these domestically. Rich people fear the wrath of jealous, envious neighbors. Our grandfathers may have approvingly ogled Duesenbergs from the windows of their Fords, but today, the average Joe would rather legislate away the right to buy supercars. A pity.



Perhaps this sheer rareness explains why we have yet to see anyone climb into it, and we don't even know what the interior looks like, apart from the CG rendering. They claim the top speed is 275 mph, which makes it the fastest car in the world, beating out the Bugatti Veyron Super Sport. It also does 0-60 mph in 2.5 seconds with a 7-speed gearbox, which in both cases matches the Veyron. Except that the Bugatti Veyron looks like a chubby hairless rat (it's so ugly I will spare your eyes and not post a picture), and the SSC looks like a fighter jet. It's even more over-the-top than the Zonda (which I do love), with nearly twice the power, and with a completely round, glass canopy.

Ferrari P4/5 Competizione; front end terrible, rest good.

Pagani Zonda F, sex on wheels.

The SSC reminds me of the Ferrari P4/5, which I didn't really like because I thought the front end had an ugly, straight-edged gaping mouth. Ferrari has also not really captured my respect for some time now. The last time I really looked up to them, it was when I was 8 because of a Hot Wheels Ferrari F40. Then I got a Hot Wheels Lamborghini Diablo and never looked back.


My family has never been big on American cars. I think the only reason that they bought Ford products in the old days, is that Honda didn't exist yet. When the 1980s rolled around, we moved into Accords and Civics, and never looked back. Still, at least my dad had a soft spot for cheap Fords, and he owned both a Festiva and an Escort wagon. I think this tainted my view of American cars as poorly-made, cheap boxes on wheels. I grew up never conditioned to the idea of American companies producing a world-beating car.  It wasn't until later that I acquired a taste for classic American cars. Perhaps in light of my family convictions, my prejudice is understandable.We just made ordinary, cheap cars for ordinary people, and imports dominated the market for the wealthy and tasteful.

Saleen S7: somehow it's just too ugly.

I am ashamed that I ever felt this way. How can any country remain great if it simply gives up in a field in which it was once dominant? Didn't we once make the most beautiful machines in the world? Didn't a 1965 Chevy Caprice once carry as much prestige and style as a person needed? How did we fall from the Cadillac Eldorado Brougham and Corvette Sting Ray, to the point where the most expensive American cars are flaccid Town Cars and souped-up Mustangs? Yes we still have the Corvette, and it has almost always been good, but it's not a supercar. It's at a very competitive price point, and it's a blast to look at and to drive (I actually have driven a C6 Vette! Had to keep it slow, but nevermind that). But it's common enough that it won't be seriously considered by the fat cats of the world. There's the Saleen S7, which is in supercar performance territory, but it's just dull to look at. I tried making it a wallpaper and I felt like a brainless jingoist for doing it, because clearly an Italian supercar was prettier and I was just deluding myself otherwise.

SSC Ultimate Aero TT: The original record breaker. Way too ugly.

And when SSC first made cars, the Ultimate Aero definitely had a cool name, but to look at it, it was even worse than the S7. It looked like a Chinese knock-off of the Lamborghini Diablo with a fussy rear-end and no unique touches whatsoever. It was so bland among supercars that I wasn't even thumping my chest when America recaptured the top speed record. The SSC Ultimate Aero TT in 2007 went up to 257 mph, beating the original Bugatti Veyron's 253 mph. If my memory serves me correctly, the Duesenberg SJ was capable of more than 130 mph, which was faster than any car produced until the Mercedes-Benz 300SL in 1954. That's a gap of 53 years. It should have made front-page news: AMERICA BUILDS FASTEST CAR. But that said, I didn't want to own one. I will never have a poster of this car on my wall, because it just isn't sexy at all.

If the Tuatara doesn't make American cars sexy again to the world, nothing will. I see it and I'm dumbfounded by its beauty. The first moment I laid eyes on a digital picture of its gleaming, pristine white bodywork, I knew that I was hooked. I'm still hooked. I don't care if it breaks down every week, if it has squeaks and rattles that can cause deafness, and if the clutch is so heavy that you need a bionic leg to use it. This car makes an Aston Martin look trite and a Zonda look unimpressive; it's the first mechanical thing I've ever seen which is more beautiful than Audrey Hepburn. And it has rear-wheel drive with a V8. And it's American-made by a team of just 16 engineers. I haven't yet seen proof that this car is capable of 275 mph, but I'm betting that under the right conditions it can. Remember that SSC was the same size back in 2007 and they gave a bloody nose to VW, one of the world's largest car manufacturers, when they overtook the Veyron in top speed. If they could take a giant leap forward in exterior design, why couldn't they do the same for top speed?

If you buy a Tuatara you'll be coughing up $1.3 million, which sounds like a lot, but the Veyron SS is about $2 million. So it's still a David-and-Goliath story. I'm not saying it's better because it's cheaper, because talking value comparisons is ridiculous at this price range. But the Bugatti Veyron SS is a masterpiece and it's still a bargain at $2 million. Now, if that's what a masterpiece is, then I don't have an English word to describe the brilliance of a tiny company in Washington state making a Veyron-beater for 60% of the price. Making Volkswagen look stupid is worth the price of admission alone.

SSC will never feature their car on Top Gear, Europeans will never give this car a fair shake, and millions of frustrated online pundits will call the car "vaporware" because of the lack of videos of the real deal. I'm sure despite the totally glass canopy, that visibility isn't great. I'm sure that the 7-speed manual with 1350 hp is a bit of a handful, especially with no ABS and no four-wheel drive. But if you bought one of these, you'd be buying a piece of priceless art, as well as investing in America's future. We need to be able to build things like these, even if it's a totally impractical concept. To see a design this beautiful and a car so well-engineered is just inspiring to everyone who has ever had an interest in machines. I pray that someday I can just catch a glimpse of one of these beautiful cars. Just looking at the pictures makes me feel like we still are as great as we were in 1969, when we landed on the Moon, the dollar was invincible, Hollywood still made good mvoies, and Corvettes looked like sharks.

Multi-millionaires of the United States (or abroad), if you want to be perceived as an incredibly tasteful, interesting, forward-thinking, and exciting person, please buy American.